New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
