Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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