I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
