I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
