is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
