she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
