Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
