I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
