Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she told me i tasted like america
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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