Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
