im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
