Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
did you just send me my own nude
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
