Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
