You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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