Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
