watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
