his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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