Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
