got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
