Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
