Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
