ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
