So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
