If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
