sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
