I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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