Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
