i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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