i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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