You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
