You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
