I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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