im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
