made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God, I missed his penis.
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