I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
