I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
