i don't like sucking hair
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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