he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
