she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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