Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have fence marks all over my body
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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