This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
