Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
