They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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