She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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