He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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