I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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