i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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