shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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