Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
