I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
