she takes plan B like it's going out of style
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
