I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
