i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just cropdusted the office
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
