So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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