I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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