I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
