I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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