I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
