The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
