Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Alive.
So much puke
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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