I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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