so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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