This is not my ceiling
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
