I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
