you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
