I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
