he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just high enough for therapy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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