I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
