I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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