What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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