I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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