can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
