i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
