I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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