I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
